After having quite a few of these at the moment, I thought it would be a good post to write.
Everyone has bad days and for all kinds of reasons. These could be down to relationship stress, things not going well at work or school, falling out with a friend, losing someone – for whatever reason.
However, when it does happen it IS rubbish. You feel like the world is ending and there is no way out. BUT, you shouldn’t feel like this. There are ways of getting through a bad day and as someone who knows these days all too well, I also know the best ways around them. These might not work for you, but all of them have worked for me in one way or another and I hope if you’re having one of these days that one of these can work for you, too.
1. Acknowledge that it is OKAY to be sad sometimes
This is one thing that I have often struggled with. No one should make you feel bad for being upset or hurt by something, and if they do then they’re not showing they care about you. Every one is allowed to be upset sometimes and to actually feel things! Don’t let any one tell you otherwise. Don’t feel embarrassed or apologise for crying. Accept that it is normal, that you are a human being and you have a right to cry, scream and shout if you need to. If you feel guilty for crying or like you’re dragging people down, you’ll end up feeling even worse and for no reason.
2. Do something that you enjoy – indulge in some ME time
It sounds really simple and not a brilliant tip as it should be obvious, but often we get caught up in pleasing other people all the time that we forget about ourselves. I tend to do this a lot, and especially when I had relationship troubles I felt like I invested all of my time into doing things that made HIM happy, instead of doing things I wanted to do.
When I realised this and started doing things for myself, i.e. seeing my friends more, going out for drunken afternoon tea, pedicures, manicures, really girly silly things, I realised how much I had neglected ME. When I started to do things for myself, I instantly felt calmer and more relaxed and had a less irritable and emotional response to small things that happened in my relationship. I really believe now that you can’t expect someone else to love you if you don’t, and being happy with yourself and doing things for you makes the world seem so much better and everyone else will notice, too!
So do something you love, even if no one else loves it – this is about YOU. Watch a series no one else wants to watch with you, make a hot chocolate, start that weird dance class you’ve always wanted to try, make something to eat that you just fancy, even if it isn’t healthy! Sing a stupid song, wear your favourite outfit, buy yourself that bag you’ve been lusting after!
3. Relax and meditate
I often find that doing some form of yoga or meditation makes me feel a little bit better, even just to calm down. It’s a good way to clear your mind of all the irrational and bad thinking that you might be feeling, and instead make you see things in a more rational and clearer way.
Sometimes the silence and the thinking time can make all of your emotions flood out, but that’s not a bad thing. Keeping feelings in the back of your mind can easily contribute to more tension than necessary.
4. Get outside
There’s nothing better than making you feel worse than stewing inside and feeling sorry for yourself. You’ll only let feelings bubble up and over-think about the situation over and over in your head, making it seem a lot worse than it actually is. I’m a massive fidgeter and have a serious case of itchy feet, so I literally drive myself crazy if I don’t go outside, even on a normal day!
Going outside for a walk or a run, just to get some fresh air, can bring about a new outlook on the situation. Having something to do and being outside will stop you from going stir-crazy and the fresh air will allow you to breathe properly and relax more.
5. Go out with your friends
I don’t necessarily mean go on a night out and get as drunk as possible, I mean just do something and surround yourself with positive people. Go for a coffee or shopping, somewhere you can chat about things, offload a little and know that someone is there to support you when you need them to.
Relying on your friends can sometimes seem a burden, but it’s really not. Your friends should be there for you, as I’m sure you would be for them. Getting a second opinion from someone you care about can also really help, as getting an outsider’s view can sometimes make more sense of things if you need to sort something out.
6. Read a book
If you really can’t face going outside, sometimes it’s good to just get lost in a book. Reading can take you out of reality for an hour or two, and you never know something you read might change your perspective on something, or you might feel a little calmer in how you approach what was making you unhappy in the first place.
7. Hug someone or something!
There’s nothing better than just hugging it out. I know that in the past with my boyfriend, we have had explosive arguments that have gotten so out of hand over nothing and take hours and lots of tears to resolve. When we eventually make up and just have a massive hug and tell each other we love each other, we always say ‘why didn’t we just do this in the first place?!’
Hugging someone can make you feel so much warmer and reassured and can simmer down the worst of arguments or stressful situations. Even if you don’t have anyone to hug, if you’re like me and a huge animal lover, then there’s nothing better than giving your pet a massive hug (whether they like it or not!).
8. Write it down
This is something that I forget to do as I forget how helpful it is. Writing your feelings down and making an account of the situation somehow makes it feel easier to deal with. Having a problem written down on paper can almost make you look at things in a different way, or make you feel like now that it’s down on paper, you’re done with feeling so extreme about it.
You can read back through it and decide what to do about the situation, or even write your feelings down and shut the book and start afresh. Whatever you decide to do, I ALWAYS find this helps at least a little bit to reassess the situation and start again.
9. Find the positives & don’t give up
This kind of links in with the last point, as it is helpful to write the positives down. When I was working in Nepal a couple of years ago and I had a huge culture shock, I was away from my family and my boyfriend, and was working with some VERY bitchy people, I felt like I was in the worst situation in the world and all I wanted to do was go home.
My mum asked me if I wanted to change my flight and come home that week, instead of stay for another couple of months. It took me then to realise that the actual thought of coming home wasn’t actually what I wanted. I needed to realise that I was in such a fantastic place – yes the culture was very different to what I was used to, but actually there was so much to learn and so much to do and see. So the girls I worked with were absolute idiots, but I was actually investing my time in helping disabled children. I also had a lovely family and boyfriend to look forward to coming home to, as well seeing my friends and graduating. Plus, Nepal had much nicer weather than the UK – even in Monsoon season! Really, there was nothing that BAD about my situation, I was just panicking and dwelling on the negatives when actually there was no need to.
I wrote down these positive thoughts and things to look forward to in a little book and just carried it in my bag for whenever I had a weak moment and it really helped. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in bad thoughts and think that your life is over, when in actual fact it isn’t as bad as you think it is. Try and see things in a different light and your whole attitude and even your situation could change.
10. Remember – nothing is forever
Another thing I took away from my time in Nepal was actually a Buddhist saying. I don’t remember what the actual phrase is as I was so relaxed I fell asleep most of the time on this yoga retreat, but basically they believe everything is fluid. Which is true – everything moves, every situation changes, every feeling is temporary – nothing is forever.
You might be feeling so rubbish now and feeling like things will never ever get better. You’ve broken up with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, an AWFUL thing to happen, but you WILL move on or feel better. Grief is such an awful and powerful emotion, but it doesn’t last forever. It might still be there forever, but you find ways with dealing with it so it becomes bearable. You think you’ve lost the love of your life, but everything happens for a reason. You WILL find someone else even better.
Every situation is fluid and will change. You will feel better, I promise!
Thank you for reading! I hope this has been helpful to you if you’re having one of those days. Please let me know what your ideas are for coping with an upsetting or stressful situation or day, as it’s always good to have more tips! Remember, it’s fine to be upset and you will get through it.